Minutes http://minutes.posterous.com How are you spending yours? posterous.com Mon, 07 Jan 2013 19:59:00 -0800 1/7/12 http://minutes.posterous.com/1712 http://minutes.posterous.com/1712

10:45pm

Another busy day! I'm beginning to see a trend here.

I awoke at 7am and made my way to school. Class was a breeze today as usual, and I finished the work in time enough to afford me a break to work on my college application essay.

Following class, I spent upwards of three hours on my computer, 98% of which was actually related to schoolwork. I have been neglecting Cami's lovely notes, so the 2% was hers.

Otherwise, I was tearing it up on my online class forums. Apparently, there is a fundamental misunderstanding as to what exactly constitutes an experiment, despite the fact that it is listed in the eleventh slide of the first chapter course materials.

I probably spent way more time then was reasonable trying to explain to various students why an observational study is not an experiment. I hope I didn't come off as too brash, but the syllabus dictates that we must "respond to [...] classmates in an inquisitive manner that furthers the discussion."

I then headed to Niki's where I watched the girls for a few hours before Cait arrived. It was smooth, I never have too many worries. I got to work on my application essay a bit too, although the content may be mediocre because of all the interruptions. I'll be sure to look it over. Nevertheless, I got ~1,500 words in today. 

My Most Meaningful Encounter...

...was to talk to John about how he is writing a book. I had no idea of this, but he has been planning it for quite some time. We spoke about his college experience, and he told me that it is probably most important that I simply get any undergrad degree. We spoke about culture and education and literature; I think we have a lot in common in a way.

Otherwise, I am always flattered to read what Cami writes me. She wrote me today: 

"Love, the world is yours, and this is the way you are going to conquer it, things happen for a reason and they become stone if that reason is moved by heart, accompanied by knowledge, and i´m sure you have both."

She is so delightfully poetic. 

 

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/2128832/Screen_shot_2012-08-27_at_8.49.29_AM.png http://posterous.com/users/n4KMFTBVgDGFc Ryan Morville ryanmorville Ryan Morville
Sun, 06 Jan 2013 19:12:00 -0800 1/6/12 http://minutes.posterous.com/1612 http://minutes.posterous.com/1612

10:11pm

Today was another day that I hadn't a moment to myself, with an exception for this morning. I slept way late, and although I intended to, it still feels insolent. It was marvelous at the time.

I was prepared to do some required reading at work today, as it is often slow enough on Sundays (and I'm there from eleven to five) to get some work or leisurely reading done. And, on a day where I was actually looking forward to reading for my psychology class, this was not the case.

When I arrived, I was greeted by Maryann, her father(-in-law?), and her lovely daughter in a cheerful blue peacoat and a colored scarf with a peacock-like array of colors. I was told that we were to take inventory.

It took all six hours to do so, and it was somewhat brutal. Although I got a kick out of the arithmetic exercises that I didn't even need to do, it was a tedious and boring task. 

Erica (the daughter) and I managed to make some exchanges, but for the most part we were either occupied or at other ends of the room entirely. That, and I was feeling a little ungracious today.

My morning was not gracious. In fact, I've felt low all day. Of course, I managed to make high times of it all, but my general conduct was not as usual. It was clumsy and lazy in a way, and it bothered me, although I couldn't shake it entirely.

This is probably the hazy shade of indifference coming over me. I can feel it--these days I've spent enthralled and wild and without a care. They catch up quickly, and I know that I cannot regress into that abyss.

After work, I headed to Mom's to get some reading done, but to no avail. I can never get anything done there. I was light-hearted though, despite being drowsy, and before long Jess and Jules showed up and we had dinner, beers, and settled down to watch that movie with Marky Mark as Dirk Diggler.

My Most Meaningful Encounter...

...was meeting sweet Erica. She is an amazing thing. Apparently she was a tremendous swimmer, but the tragic part is that she had a tumor in her pelivs and pretty much all of her ischeum is missing on her right side. She has a cryptic mechanical apparatus that replaces her acetabulum and the entire head and neck of her femur, with a rod inserted halfway into the shaft. Giant screws make their way through the remaining portion of her hip as to secure the device.

I know this because I saw a snapshot of an x-ray. The device is beginning to lock up, and it needs replacing. Maryann will be absent from work for a period of time to take care of her daughter, and Erica will miss a considerable amount of schoolwork and will likely get set back. Shes a biomedical engineer, and she mentioned that it wouldn't have interested her had it not been for her direct experience. 

She was a cute thing, and she certainly looked like her mother. I hope to see her again.

Anyway, back to my hazy day. It cannot go on this way, the magnitude of my responsibilities are too great. I recognize that I've been selling myself short to cheap and artificial thrills and that many things are reaching a state of duress. Many things must change.

In fact, I see Sean who is doing remarkable things and leading a band and looking like a fucking tank. I haven't any excuse but perhaps a greater degree of compliance or something. That may be optimistic thinking, as to the author it seems more likely to be compromise.

I should retire now, I have another obligated day tomorrow. But I'll see Cait!

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/2128832/Screen_shot_2012-08-27_at_8.49.29_AM.png http://posterous.com/users/n4KMFTBVgDGFc Ryan Morville ryanmorville Ryan Morville
Sat, 05 Jan 2013 20:26:00 -0800 1/5/13 http://minutes.posterous.com/1513 http://minutes.posterous.com/1513

10:51pm

I scarcely had a moment to myself today. My day beg with a breakfast to see a friend of friends off to a unique job opportunity in Florida. Disney; I told him it would be an interesting experience, because its a world of it's own, ableit entirely artificial.

We met at a diner, and I hadn't been to a diner in so long that I was thrilled by the menu. We spent a good amount of time making noise and having laughs.

I drove Amanda Kirchoff in and out, and on the way back we took that cool backroad that comes out at 565 from rt. 23. We talked about relationships.

From Newton I went to see Mimi, my grandmother. She tells me that she doesn't go out for entertainment, rather that I bring it to her. She loves to listen to me talk, and today I really talked. I told her about my plans to study philosophy, and she is thrilled for me.

I even layed on her the drama about Cami's situation. Cami emailed me twice today, first in english, and then a poem in Spanish. It will take me a while to decode it, when I get to it. I sent her a quick note and told her I miss her, but I'm too busy to talk.

And busy I was. After Mimi's, I sat in the library and downloaded some course materials for my online Psychology class, which I'm looking forward to. I looked into some of the things Tim told me about Neal Cassady. I headed to work after that.

Work has been slow, Bob is weighing out some potential changes in his business. He gave me twenty bucks and I headed to go get Jules.

Jules invited me and Cait out to a wine tasting in Warwick, followed by a Flops show at the Tuscan Cafe. Cait couldn't make it, but I blew off my engagement to spend some time with them. We smoked some tea on the way up.

The place was impressive--the ritzy wine culture was eminent. I loved it, though I'm ignorant. We did a sampler--two whites, a red, two ciders and a choice of dessert wine--then got some hard cider and a cheese platter and picked "like a band of mice on crack." We

We marveled in our naivety of cheeses and fanct things. We got cooked in about an hour flat, and for cheap; like $13 a head.The place closed at six, and we headed to downtown Warwick and found our way to Tuscan. 

It was a hippie joint, but apparently the Flops frequent there. Sean got me in for free as a plus one. There were some pretty underage girls. One was a real beauty; a classic girl with full lips, wavy hair, nice poise and big eyes. She dressed nice too, little classy artsy girl. I studied her intermittently.

The place was loud; I stuffed toilet paper in my ears. I got some coffee to perk up. Two bands played before the Flops, both were impressive. I felt awkward though, somewhat out of place. Indeed, I;ve been away from that culture for a while. It hasn't changed, but I may have. The Flops put on a good show, and I spoke with Sean about college matters.

We left and Jesse drove home. They left their wallet and purse in my car after we split ways. 

My Most Meaningful Encounter was...

There are more and more each day.I've just been speaking and listening--but lots more speaking than usual, and the listening is more sincere. I probably just loved speaking with Mimi as usual, I got really enthusiastic about telling her my plans. She is proud and happy to see me confident.

I'll probably rest awhile tomorrow. I didn't get around to training today. I've been thinking long and hard about a particular experiment, maybe I'll explain after I carry it out. Anyway, its late and I need some rest before I begin a full week of accelerated courses.

 

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/2128832/Screen_shot_2012-08-27_at_8.49.29_AM.png http://posterous.com/users/n4KMFTBVgDGFc Ryan Morville ryanmorville Ryan Morville
Fri, 04 Jan 2013 20:50:00 -0800 1/4/13* http://minutes.posterous.com/1413-90183 http://minutes.posterous.com/1413-90183

*indicates that I messed up the date of yesterday's post. Oops.

Its nearly midnight. It has been a long day, and I have much to recount for. I'll start with last night.

After my post yesterday, I went on to look at the Study Abroad program offered by Rutgers. I found more promising information than I had remembered when I first looked at it a few months ago, I guess I just looked deeper.

Anyway, in those very minutes that I spent browsing through Rutgers pages, something incredible happend--I had a revelation:

I don't want to study biology.

...At least not yet.

You see, I love Biology, and I'm good at it. However, my next steps would involve taking calculus, physics, and organic chemistry classes that I truly do not feel qualified to take yet. Ultimately, I wish to understand them all, but I do not see my self comprehending them as I should if I were to take them in the upcoming year.

Something last night led me to check out the Philosophy currciculum offered at Rutgers, and I was totally enamored. Suddenly everything clicked: I need to study philosophy.

It is difficult for me to explain why without establishing some context, so I'll try to keep it simple.

My experience at SCCC has been one characterized by trial and error. I signed up on a whim. I dropped a few classes during my first two semesters. I procrastinated and generally underperformed. I was quite self-absorbed until this past semester. 

And then, everything changed.

I got involved. I applied myself. I met many new people. I became confident in an open way. I helped others, and I loved it.

I also took a class that truly challenged me. It was an online Western Civilizations course, and it forced me to embrace a subject that I truly had no desire to learn because of some childish prejudices towards it.

This was groundbreaking. Because i had established a goal (attaining my A.S.), I became obligated to follow through with it.

I knew nothing about history. I read every page of my textbook and I highlighted half of the material. It was awful!

...but it opened me up to something I was previously unaware of.

Now, don't ask me about history; I still know very little. But I was enlightened to a series of causal events that shaped our history as well as the cultures and objectives responsible. This was a big deal, as I had previously relegated history to being of little consequence to the scientific developments of the future.

And that may even be so. But life is not science. Life is culture, experience, and learning. My irrational little world was so ignorant, and not blissfully so.

Most importantly, this is where I learned the most about the Ancient Greeks. Once more, I've only scratched the surface, but I am entirely enthralled. Whether I knew it or not, I began to accumulate historical and philosophical literature for leisurely reading. I incorporated history into my conversations. I even opened myself to speaking about religion, which is truly substantial, as I have held biases against religion for years.

The fact of the matter is this: I've been naive and foolish for the majority of my life. I've clinged to senseless opinions for far too long, and I now realized it has truly crippled my potential over the years. I am now proud to say that this is no more.

The culmination of events over the last few months has truly awoken a new sense of wonder in me, and it is feverish. I see so much more beauty in every experience; it is as though I've metamorphosized. 

Anyway, I see no other viable route than to cultivate my untrained mental faculties in the manner that produced history's greatest thinkers: philosophy.  

There is much for me to say about the study of philosophy, but I will simply state now that I view it as "an intellectual rite of passage." I believe that philosophy will bestow in me the values necessary to establish my rightful place in the world. I see so clearly the path that lie before me, yet it is so indefinite. Still, there is no other option in my mind. 

I'm going to Rutgers.

My Most Meaningful Encounter...

...was spending a few hours with Tim and Taylor. These are two of my favorite people. They came over around 9:30pm, I made them coffee and we talked and talked, as we always do. Tim is my intellectual friend. We haven't really conversed in months. I told him about my plans, about Cami (he was thrilled about her family history), about everything. I can now keep up with him in conversation. I have stories to tell! And I did profusely. 

We always make such remarkable connections. I told him that I envision him as Dean Moriarty and I as Sal Paradise, and he was flattered. 

There was so much more to my day that I didn't mention. I changed Cait's oil. I went to Bob's and had nothing to do. I trained. I spoke with a woman from the bank while I was at my Dad's office; she gave me a beer glass that says "Lakeland" on it. I paid off a chiropractor that I had seen months back. He kept me for nearly an hour telling stories. Damn, he's got stories. He still likes me even though I don't want to pay for his service anymore. 

Each day is so beautiful. 

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/2128832/Screen_shot_2012-08-27_at_8.49.29_AM.png http://posterous.com/users/n4KMFTBVgDGFc Ryan Morville ryanmorville Ryan Morville
Thu, 03 Jan 2013 16:33:00 -0800 1/3/13 http://minutes.posterous.com/1413 http://minutes.posterous.com/1413

I got the most fantastic news last night after my post. I received my grades that I had long awaited, and the one I was least hopeful for was a B+. My somewhat sullen mood was lifted and suddenly I couldn't sleep.

I thought of a million things at once, which it seems I haven't done in a while. I consider this a good thing (unless, of course, I'm actually worried about something).

Sure, it normally saps my ability to sleep for an appropriate amount of hours, but I still did alright.This was the kind of wishful thinking/dreaming that kinda makes your heart flitter.

And I decided to set my clock earlier, because I was that excited. I arose this morning and mosied around, showering and dressing and being out the door before too long. These minutes were slow and contented. 

I arrived at the school around 6:30am and walked until 7am. It was chilly, yet serene. I covered two miles. The remaining hour I spent reading On the Road before class began. Dean and Sal just decided to return to New York and head to Italy from there.

My computer class is painstakingly boring, as I explained to Camilita whilst in class. It basically covers how to use Microsoft Office 2010. A toddler could pass this class. 

Following class, I hung around in the registration office to catch folks who may need tutoring in the upcoming semester. Meanwhile, I was searching through study abroad programs offered at Ramapo.

They have a fantastic program, but apparently you must have enrolled there for a semester before being eligible. The question is whether this semester is full-time, as I could possibly attend a course there concurrently in order to fulfill the requirement if that is not the case. 

I seriously considered ditching SCCC for this semester if necessary, I would have until next Wednesday to decide. However, there is so much for me here that I would rather not give up, even if it were to study abroad in London or Denmark or Sweden or even Wollongong, Australia.

I inquired about the details of the "one semester" requirement, hopefully as to make the reality of my options more apparent. Otherwise, it would probably behoove me to lay out any deadlines of my other potential routes in some organized manner (noted).

My Most Meaningful Encounter was...

...probably one that was more introspective than anything. For a long time, I have been quite critical, offering my opinion when it is entirely unnecessary, often at the expense of my own time, and perhaps the integrity of my relationships with others. Something silly came up in my Facebook feed about the harms of CFL bulbs that emit UV rays, and how the government sucks and its their fault. I spent probably ten minutes scrutinizing this and compiling a remark when I realized what I was doing: I was just adding a stupid remark to theirs. The following realization occured to me:

Let people with uncompromising opinions be. They are as good as animals.

And this stands to reason. Its an idea that is derived from Manly P. Hall's Neoplatinism. Opinion is the lowest and least justified mode of thought. It is devoid of sense; devoid of the things that seperate us from species who do not possess the power of the human mind.

Thus, to cling to a senseless opinion is animalistic. Furthermore, to lower oneself to combat with these inferences is demoralizing, degenerative, and unaffordable. 

The remainder of my night I will likely spend reading and thinking, my two most peaceful and solemn endeavors.

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/2128832/Screen_shot_2012-08-27_at_8.49.29_AM.png http://posterous.com/users/n4KMFTBVgDGFc Ryan Morville ryanmorville Ryan Morville
Wed, 02 Jan 2013 17:08:00 -0800 1/2/13 http://minutes.posterous.com/1213 http://minutes.posterous.com/1213

After writing my intial post earlier today, a number of thoughts occured to me as to how I should manage my entries or, more accurately, how I should evaluate myself.

I came to the conclusion that as for this purpose not to be redundant or contradictory, it shouldn't take me much time or trouble to reflect upon each day and come to a meaningful conclusion.

That being said, I decided that over the next few days, I'll determine an average of how much time I spend doing obligatory things like washing dishes, showering and getting dressed. Most other things are variable.

On a daily basis, I'll chose a few things that I devoted an amount of time to and decide if they were worth the investment, or if the time could have been spent more wisely.

Finally, and perhaps most crucially, I'll make a mention of my most meaningful encounter throughout the day. This is a purpose in itself.

Without further adieu, allow me to make my first entry.

1/2/13 7:51pm

I spent a disproportionate amount of time getting nothing done today, save some reading (and perhaps the establishment of this blog). I moped around in the spirit of procrastination; that I would make better use tomorrow and each day after, and so today I could just do whatever and suffer no ill consequence.

This is fallacious thinking at best, and I am ironically aware. However, it is so terribly easy to get lazy when you catch a break--even a short one. I feel as though the entire structure of my professional self has deteriorated in a matter of two weeks (and these weeks flew!).

I spent about two hours this evening going through old emails and unsubscribing from various newsletters--those damned things that do not contribute to anything but another distraction in your inbox. I saw more than a years worth of exchanges, some were bittersweet. This was a duty that I could have done just as well to delete them all in one foul sweep.

Earlier, I stopped into my Dad's office to chat with he and Kimberlee. Any time with people you love is time well spent, which leads me to...

My Most Meaningful Encounter was...

..to have my Dad admit to me that he regrets having swept things under the rug in order to make them go away over the years. And, of course, to tell me that he is approaching a point in his life that he can just give himself to the world instead of putting up with--as he put it--bullshit. I told him that I am in a similar situation: I haven't been corrupted by a bullshit job that makes me something I'm not, and that I'm happy to be myself and help others. I told him, therefore, that I was in somewhat of a predicament as to where I'm headed next. How do I reconcile my want for simplicity and honesty in this world without compromise?

He said: "You can't. You need to find a balance."

I disagree.

Anyway, I've resolved to only spend ~15 minutes writing here, so allow me to wrap up with a quote that came up in conversation today:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/2128832/Screen_shot_2012-08-27_at_8.49.29_AM.png http://posterous.com/users/n4KMFTBVgDGFc Ryan Morville ryanmorville Ryan Morville
Wed, 02 Jan 2013 09:55:00 -0800 Excellence http://minutes.posterous.com/excellence-98469 http://minutes.posterous.com/excellence-98469

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit"  -Aristotle

 

There are many minutes in a day, and more in a year, and many more in a lifetime. How are you spending yours?

 

This is what occured to me in the shower this morning.

 

I have many aspirations, yet I scarcely act upon them--at least not sufficiently to yield a desirable outcome.

 

This blog is a host for evaluation. Just how am I spending my time? Can I spend it more usefully? Will being mindful of my actions make them more valuable?

 

The holidays are over. I begin school tomorrow, and thus I resume somewhat of a routine.

 

Will I endure another semester to find that I could have worked harder or spent my time more wisely? Will I get distracted and make poor choices, or choices that simply do not support my goals? Will I allow my health to degenerate under the impositions of student life?

 

As of yet, I can only say: Hopefully not. 

 

This is my final semester at community college. My previous semesters represent a journey from complete indifference or disbelief to sense, then knowledge, and finally involvement. I'm now a part of my school. 

 

I have people who depend on me. I depend on myself to make the right decisions, and yet I am usually let down the most. This is not sustainable.

 

Henceforth, welcome to "Minutes." This is an account of my personal endeavors, and those which I lend myself to. 

 

Here, I will seek value in every instance. I will practice excellence. I will be honest with myself.

 

Action is the currency of attainment.

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http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/2128832/Screen_shot_2012-08-27_at_8.49.29_AM.png http://posterous.com/users/n4KMFTBVgDGFc Ryan Morville ryanmorville Ryan Morville